Pure Fakes, Brown Snakes And Home Bakes – A Guest Post By The Boyf

The following is a documentation of my three main highlights of our recent visit to Victoria.

Pure Fakes 

One of the most annoying breeds of people in life is without doubt the hipster/indie, this is of course my opinion, however I’m sure it’s widely agreed. It is not the fact that these people like to dress differently, nor that they loved the sound of Mac De Marco until he became well known, now he’s just …….mainstream. It’s also not because they love a secret edgy bar, hidden behind a dustbin with a three syllable password  required to buy an overpriced drink in a underground shit hole. The Reason I don’t like these people is because of the energy they put in, to be different (but yet the same), just be yourself thats cool. With this, the fact that within  Melbourne’s most recent census 80% of people mostly likely stated their religion as “hipster” probably outlines my first problem with Victoria.

Brown Snakes 

The second problem was a much less serious one, that is until we left Melbourne, as up until this point their wasn’t many bushes, or trees and all trim-able fast growing lifeforms (other than feminist leg hairs) such as grass where all frequently mowed. As we made our second stop on The Great Ocean road however this problem became real!! That is the problem of the brown snake, in my mind every path shrub and tree was a possible ambush opportunity for one of these venomous villains. I was on high alert every moment of every stop off along the road, and for this reason couldn’t relax. The question people are probably now thinking may well be, how many did you see? To that question the answer would be none.

Home Bakes 

By this point in my post I’m sure people are able to at least sympathise with my challenging visit to Victoria, to those who are wondering how I ever managed to survive, the answer is home bakes. To anyone expecting a crazy story about me and Isobel exploring Melbourne’s drug culture prepare to be disappointed, as this is not a story about a tea party with hash brownies and mushroom tea, it is about my saving grace. This came in the form of our lovely Air BnB host “Jen”, who fed us the most amazing home baked Christmas cookies made by her previous guest, piklets (pancakes to you or I) with jam and fresh cream and a refreshing chai seed sweet.

With this my conclusion on Victoria is, if you find yourself in Australia make sure to go to Melbourne, visit the great ocean road, have a look at the local sights. Don’t waste your time in “European style” restaurants, just go to the ones in Europe theirs less hipsters. Don’t worry yourself with brown snakes, although they may not be a myth they shouldn’t be a worry. Do, stay in an air BNB especially if the host is either called Jen or mentions home made food.




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